Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
