wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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