He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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