i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
