Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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