I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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