I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
