His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
