That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
