Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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