matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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