actually, I'm a sock model
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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