She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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