That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
