This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
