how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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