hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
