I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
