She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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