Princesses don't give blow jobs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
