Kareoke will never be a sober sport
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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