guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
