you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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