3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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