i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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