ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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