I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
