i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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