who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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