Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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