Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
