I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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