hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
