I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
