I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
