dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize