If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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