so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
