I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
