don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
