youre lurking in front of me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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