I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
