no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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