Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
