what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
