It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
