um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
