Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
