if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
