Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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