It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
