I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
