no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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