that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
where am i from again
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
