Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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