You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
