I'm lost and stupid without you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
