Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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