Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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