So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
