either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
