Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
