I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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