Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
