just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
