I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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