Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
