okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
