The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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