we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
