i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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