I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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