Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
