I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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