my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
