he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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