Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
