Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
