Me too!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
